As God has revealed areas in my heart that need to be changed, patterns of behaviors that stem from wounds He’s healing, I’m struggling a bit with how exactly that takes place.
I’ve recently asked, Is it really as simple as learning to recognize when I’m falling into that behavior and self-talking the truth and scripture to myself to get out of it; stop the behavior once I recognize it? Hard, mind you, but that simple? I know that choice is involved. I know I can stay in a behavior by resisting any change.
But as I pondered this idea, it seems so “up to me.” It seems like something anyone can do, whether they are a Christian and no longer a slave to sin or not. Is that solely relying on one’s self? I know I’ve often been guilty of doing “a God work” in my own power and not relying on Him throughout my life. This feels and sounds like that to me.
Because it doesn’t really deal with the root. There isn’t true transformation. Being a very disciplined person, I’ve made “life changes” only to see them fall by the wayside when I stop “choosing”. The desire hasn’t changed. I want more than that this time. When the root still exists, the weed still grows! I want the root and seeds and every hint of behavior and thoughts and cause completely OUT of my life.
And that I can’t do!
That’s what God promises though- I think. Do we ever truly get free of desires or is it always a battle on this side of heaven? If we can be truly transformed, how does it become a reality? How does God “create a clean heart in me”?
I’m thinking transformation comes as I connect more deeply with God. When I press into His love and come to better know His love, I think my desires change. I want to rely on a certain “idol” in my life because it’s been my go to and comfort. But as I come to know God’s comfort more, I start to recognize the lack of sufficiency from my idol. As I grow closer to God, I also want to please Him more. Knowing that turning to my idol hurts Him, that too lessens my desire. Then I must choose, I start wanting to choose a better behavior, a new life pattern, one of reliance on Him.
So is this the partnership that allows transformation? Is my role continuing to press into my Father’s love, growing in my understanding of Who He is so I can trust Him more? Then as He heals my heart, I choose to walk in obedience and eventually the desire is transformed? Once we have developed a weakness in our lives, can we truly be freed of the pull this side of heaven?
Thank you for enduring my pondering and musings. If you have any insights to share, I’d love to hear from you. I really want these roots out of my life once and for all. I know I can’t do it alone, but I know the tendency is in me to try. Thanks for your continued prayers.